June Update: Colosseum KitchenPosted on June 29, 2020
Never fear, you'll be cooking like a champion in NO TIME!! We'll start with something easy. Let's cook up our first recipe with the Divine Flame, nice and simple and cheap and - OH, Summer's sunburn, the cleanup takes all day. We can't have that, Zephyr would be so disappointed to show up to a messy kitchen after all his hard work!!! Usually I just have Spot fetch me another one since they're so cheap to replace, and the battlefield of food preparation is NO PLACE TO SIT AROUND WAITING!!
So, hm, what else can we do to get things started... OF COURSE!! I know EXACTLY what to do! PREP WORK!!! Yeah, that's the smart strategy - brains are an important muscle that need exercise too, you know! Go on, trainees, grab some Anointed Shields to serve up food! WE CAN'T HAVE YOU EATING WITH YOUR HANDS LIKE BARBARIANS!!! THAT'S RESERVED FOR ACTUAL BARBARIAN WARRIORS!!!! For everyone else, the drinks made with Clay Jugs are friendly to all ages! Oh- OH- CAREFUL!! Heh, I got you, don't worry. You're always safe with me!! You should watch your step next time around those Anointed Spears whether I'm here to protect you or not, though. You don't want to skewer YOURSELF instead of your food!!!
Now then, every good meal needs a toast! TO CAMARADERIE! Dip your cups into the Pool of Memory with a fond farewell to those we love no matter the loss. Use the Fields of Time to let that bittersweet grief age into the best spirits the mourned can offer. TO OUR SHARED GLORY IN SUMMER'S SPOTLIGHT!!!
Ahhhhhhhhh... Oh, right, food. Gotta focus before the drinks get too plentiful, HAH! Traditional meals begin with Spring's light touch: SALADS FROM THE PITS OF PAINNNNN!!!
What? You don't look as hyped up as I expected. OH NO!! Are you weak from lack of food?! I'VE WASTED TOO MUCH TIME!!!! Don't float down the River of Death yet, my friends!! A-HA!! You need PROTEIN! I'll fire up the River of Fire to broil up something so spicy it can wake the dead!!! FIRE HAS NEVER FAILED ME!!
Uh oh, was that too hot?! Right, I need to remember that not everyone has the same blessings that I do. You need more Godly favors - the Sacred Riverboat can send up your pricey prayers! And I should apologize. I'm sorry, recruit, I was too harsh on your taste buds. Until that riverboat comes back with coins, I'll help you cool down on the River of Ice!! GYAH!!! O-O-ON-NLY THE T-T-TOUGHEST W-WAR-WARRIORS T-T-TRAIN-N UN-UND-D-DER THESE F-F-FREEZ-ZING C-COND-DITION-NS!!!!
Autumn's curses... Are you feeling... traumatized from kitchen violence? I CAN FIX THAT TOO!! Forget aaaaalll your troubles in the Pool of Oblivion! MMMMM, delicious... I could drown in all that yogurt...
Where was I?
Huh! Desserts already? Wow, I'm a fast teacher!!
Toss an offering of thanks to the Gods in the Sacred Altar before you journey through the Isles of Renewal into the sweet, fluffy land of pastry paradise. They say if you eat three times your weight while you rest on the isles, your heroic soul will be heavy with unused magical energy.... that's why you gotta burn it all off in battle before you reach the end of your life, my friends! EAT HARDCORE TO FIGHT HARDCORE!! HAHAHA!!!
But hey, even when it is your time, that's not so bad. Just look at the mystical Bridge of Seasons, a gateway to something so beautiful and powerful, shaping the world with divine might... Rainbows sure are inspirational, aren't they!! Swear with me, swear on the glittering River of Oaths, that we'll defend that beauty, that we'll fight for this world to the very end! That's OUR golden rule! WE'RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER!!! HUZZAH!!!!