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Mementos by dicedicedice won the Crafting Spotlight! Even when I'm far away, I carry you all with me
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New Premium Stages: Tattered Kith!

Written by Admin  Posted on February 03, 2023
 
Enheduanna: Oh… More young Kith approaching…

Yes. Thank you for your… compliments. Yes. My understanding of the Snarls was… impressive. Yes, I… am aware.

Always, always aware…



I need… to leave. I must… enter the Tatters now. Stay behind! Stay.





Sigh…

…No, not more Snarls. No great warning. No magical calling.

I simply… needed to be alone.

…They are so all-consuming, are they not? The Tatters… Consuming me without. Consuming me within. Nothing I would ever have chosen. Nothing I ever did choose.

No choices…

Was there a choice?

Defending the town through my sense of the Snarls… Defending the Stage through my sense of the Tatters… Defending Miranda, that first moment I rushed out into the Everstorm to keep her safe… That I chose. That, I am glad to have chosen.

So, is it for the best, then? That all those years ago, that lightning struck me and took my future from me? That, as Iris said, that my… adaptation, that my rising to the call has been something grand and meaningful, when deep down inside my heart it feels like it is just…

Just…

Just the words that others need to say to cope with what happened… even though it happened to me.

I sense their eyes, always following me... I see the fears reflected there. How it must soothe them, to tell themselves that I am something special for all my suffering.

Like… the Snarl I bound to myself. My noble, "desperate" attempt… Just one more failure to untangle myself from this unwanted form as I untangled this creature.

…Now even this monster is calm and quiet, ever since I completed the process… Yet still I have no rest. It hurts, so deeply, so distantly… No difference! No difference…



And yet… More untangled Snarls are approaching, in quiet silence? Those that were bound by other Kith following in my pawprints, those that were released back into the Tatters afterwards… Why do you all stand in uncanny vigil around me? Forming lines, silent, staring…

No… I sense… Not a line. A path…? Drawing me onward, to show me some great resonance, some meaningful next step for the sake of some heroic communal good, some martyrdom that once again I am called to take -

More to warn about, more to work on, more to transform into meaning, when I just want… wantto MOURN!

I was an explorer! Miranda and me! That was who we were always supposed to be! Finding new adventures, planning to go everywhere, not for the sake of some commandment or coping mechanism, but for… for the joy of it! The JOY of it!

And instead, my whole life changed in a single moment… Trapped in a form that wasn't mine, that isn't mine… How can it ever feel like mine?! I didn't want to change!

Even worse, Miranda, changing, too… More withdrawn than ever, always conscientious, creases on her forehead that were not there before. Burdens taken on without complaint, putting aside her desires into daydreams as new Remnants are found, hardly asking to traverse the Tatters at all anymore, aware of all my pains in ways I wish she need not be. And I am all gratitude and guilt - guilt and gratitude - both too much to bear!

Like Iris, Fray, Hypothesis, all those countless little ones, well-meaning questions, affectionate efforts, praise and caution and care and help that hurts - hurts - hurts worse! Yet I endure! And smile. And try…

Aaaaaaghhhhhhhh…..

My tangles-! Some force ripping me forward, pulling me onward-! Tearing me to shreds-! Changing… Changing me again…

NO! I WON'T PURSUE!

I shall not bear this burden anymore! I won't - I won't - I WANT -

I WANT MY CHOICES BACK! It hurts to stay, it hurts to stay - but I need to not be needed! I do not wish to take the leap, or break myself, or make the best of it - I wish to grieve in peace! I WISH TO GRIEVE FOR MYSELF FOR ONCE!

I have given enough, I have done enough, and I shall not help! I will not help! I refuse! I refuse!!

I REFUSE!!!


Enhe!

We are here -

We hear you calling!
It's us -

More kith!

We'll take it on -

We'll take over the task!

It's not just up to you -

We are here!

We are here!

WE ARE HERE!



Enheduanna: All of you - Kith from every Remnant - attuning to the Tatters and taking on Tattered forms? Willingly? And I...

My paws are glowing?!


What is… What is -

WHAT?!

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