I think you need to start by taking initiative in inviting them in, explicitly. As in, "Hey you want to go check out the Farmer's Market this weekend? It's more fun to go with other people." And if they say no, just go, "Okay, another time." And don't assume it's because they aren't interested in being your friend! It could be that particular thing isn't their deal or they're busy that day or whatever. Go ahead and invite people on a number of things, over a period of time. If someone constantly says 'no' to everything and never invites you to something in return, or suggests an alternative, that's an indication that they aren't interested in being friends. But there are a HUGE number of people out there who would LIKE to be friends, but haven't really learned how to start up friendships (like you, it sounds like) so if you can be the one to make the effort they'll be really happy to have found you. (Or that you found them, more accurately). And it doesn't have to be this intense thing off the bat. Maybe it takes a year of going to casual random things before you get to the point of calling someone up at 1am saying "I am so depressed, come over and we'll binge-watch comedies!" or whatever other thing your close-friend benchmark manifests as. Maybe longer than a year. And some people will start off happily doing things with you but stay at a superficial level of friendship, and some people will start off that way but really fast you find yourself in long philosophical conversations and invited to spend holidays with them or whatever. It'll just take a lot of investment on your part, but you can definitely make it happen! (edited because word typo. You know how that happens, you are thinking one word but your fingers type another? That. Sigh.)

oh yes, certainly know about the typo. always noticed right after you post something ^-^ that does make sense, even if the idea is a bit daunting. Everyone likes food :) ....you know, 2 years in Florida and I have never even gone to the beach. T___T Maybe that's what I need to do: Figure out fun things to do with others. Farmers market does sound really neat! My extracurricular are basally sleeping, reading, and internet which doesn't really open much room for others. Its just that its sooooo much effort to do things and there is always just, like, not doing things - which is so easy. :I I have always wanted to join a DnD campaign.... :/c now im thinking of how much work that is. i think thats my main problem. The effort to enjoyment ratio for 'fun stuff' always favors "do nothing" in my head. >.<

You can also invite people to do things like, "I'm going to the Library Book Sale on Whatever Day. Want to come?" and "Got a lot of books I'm finished with, who all here might be interested in a book-swap meet, say once a month or so? I can host, bring stuff you're willing to trade and we'll make an evening of it!" which involves others in your reading. I don't know about internet, and of course sleeping is kinda yeah. But reading can involve others. (If you can find books set locally, you can have a 'book club' where you guys read a book and then spend the next few months going to the various places or recreating scenes or trying to figure out which area would be which character's favorite X (favorite Coffee Stand, favorite jogging park, favorite fast-food-restaurant, where would they go at 1am for more printer ink, etc) or speculating about which buildings/stores inspired which fictional-insert places, etc) DnD is another option, if you go to a gaming store and ask to be on a sign-up next time someone starts a campaign, then you don't have to run it... Yes. It is definitely an initial-investment thing when you talk about friendships. You won't get anything at all out unless you're putting in, and it takes a lot of putting in to even find the right friendship to begin with. So it's a matter of is it really worth it to you? And no worries if it is not. Plenty of perfectly happy solo people out there.

lol yeah, for the most part its really not worth it. >____> It seems like a thing I should do tho for my personal health and career. Kind of like learning how to cook or something. Its effort, but its something you do to improve your life. And people bring on certain strong emotions that solitary endeavors don't, which is probably good for the psych. Like I've never felt as irritated or sad or excitable alone like I have when interacting with others. But really, the quiet nothing of just me is usually pretty nice. I think a regular social event like a book club or DnD is probably the way to go. Force that interaction for general health and better social skills. Once I make it a responsibility I have promised to others, ill actually do it. ^_^ i do admit the idea of talking to someone about good books sounds nice! i used to with my little sis but she stopped reading a long time ago. Such sadness! wanna start a bookclub? i bet we could get a few ppl on this site

We could! That would be an internet interaction rather than personal, though. Is that sufficient for you? Or would it maybe just be a start and then you'd expand from there? But I'd be up for a bookclub!

oh yes, internet interaction is quite fine! Starting small and expanding when one has got the basics down is usually a sound plan anyhow. lessseee. Me starting a post on the Books portion of the Media forum would probably be the way to gauge interest, yes? ill do that

Yep. We should probably also figure out some parameters of what you're comfortable with and looking for in it...

I agree with Sefria's point about inviting people out. I'm fairly introverted and so are a lot of people I work with, but I think they're all so interesting and cool and I would love to be friends with them. It takes a lot of courage and effort to make the first move to invite people to hang out to become closer friends, but that's also the same thing preventing other people from asking you to hang out. Most people just want to be friends. And I really struggle with this, but I try to include myself at lunch tables or around the "water cooler" area at work since learning that. People generally tend to be pretty accepting so long as you're pleasant to be around. Eventually some courageous person suggests an outing and I try my best to go to all of them that I can. But also to your point of going to people's houses and getting closer than "well-liked" that's really stagnated for me since high school. I find the older you get, the more reclusive people seem to be. I guess it'll still happen, I just need to create more opportunities to see people.

[url=/users/profile/ZeBug]@ZeBug[/url] Try a local library for a book club or community events!

ZeBug, and I mean this in the most constructive possible way, but do you know if you might have a mild social disorder? Like asperger's? The way you describe socializing in your first post strikes me as oddly pragmatic and very deliberate in an area that most people just do naturally. I'm definitely overly sensitive to the possibility since my field has a lot of people on that spectrum, including some friends of mine. The only reason it would matter would be to 1) put your troubles in a new light that might help you suddenly understand why you were struggling and 2) look into local support groups. Speaking more generally, I've always been very fond of Internet-based relationships and social interaction. Some of my best friends I met first online in fandom, including my queerplatonic partner. ;u; I've actually gone to meet some of them irl over the last few years! But the online interaction is so much better for me because it's low effort (which it sounds like you can sympathize with) and I can do it on my own terms, like leaving messages unanswered for a bit without being rude or saving a post to reply to later when I have more energy. I think fandom has been the easiest way for me to make friends. When we're all playing the same game or watching the same show and talking about it a lot, we grow closer. Getting really into Tattered Weave would also be a good route, there's lots of friendly people here! Another aspect of getting closer with people can be increasing your points of contact with them, like. Having more platforms where you interact with them? Like you're Facebook friends with some of your peers, but do you ever actually use the messenger to talk to individuals? Or tag them in relevant posts? And as you get to know people online or in person, you can ask if they use things like phone text messages or Skype or Discord or Tumblr/Reddit/whatever. I've traded Snapchat names with some friends and just send them pictures of my cat every three days or so as a nice gesture. One really easy way to get chatting with people through digital platforms is to send them a link to something you think they'll like. Maybe you read a news article or saw a meme or found a great dog picture, and you thought that person might like it. Send them a link! Oftentimes you can follow up with an actual conversation too, like oh how are you today? I'm looking at dog pictures instead of doing my laundry. And so on For more low pressure hangouts, sometimes I text my friends something to the effect of, "Hey I'll be in X coffee shop over my lunch around noon if you want to come hang out, I'll be writing my thesis either way." Some of my friends really like board games, so sometimes they'll say they got a new one and ask casually if we'd be interested and what nights we might be free to go over. We all started with board games and moved into Dungeon World eventually, haha. I agree with others, you might be able to find some local hangout groups (apps like Meetup might be active in your area?) centered around an interest, like books or hiking. You could also try volunteering for something you care about. As a last aside, I also find that people have varying thresholds for what they call "a friend," and I've had classmates and peers before call me their friend when I wouldn't have used that label. So it's possible some of them do think of you as a friend? (I always kinda feel like an ass when someone considers me a friend and I don't really reciprocate. >_<; But I've had some friendships go sour and I'm a little hesitant still) Also sorry for the wall of text oTL Can't write a page of my thesis but boy can I write really long forum posts, sighs.